Dear Danielle,
Thank you for contacting us. My name is Jared Huffington of the Boston law firm Stanley, Huffington, and McKinney (LLC) and I represent Mr. S.M. Claus, Esq. As you know, Mr. Claus (herein referred to as "Santa") gets a lot of press coverage (mostly from liberal and biased reporters, truth be told) during his busiest time of the year. While Santa enjoys the publicity, he feels that important aspects of his work are continuously overlooked.
It has been Santa's wish that his work during the rest of the year be portrayed with the strictest adherence to journalistic integrity. That being said, Santa recently gave an interview for a local tv station about the off-season care and upkeep of his herd of reindeer. It is true that most of the reindeer are indeed, as you aptly described it, "nice". However, during this interview, things did go wrong and it ended with Santa eating one of his reindeer, Casper.
This letter is being sent to all of Santa's devoted followers and constituents as an abatement to keep any lawsuits, civil or criminal, from Santa and all of his subsidiaries.
Thank you for the many years of your faithful support of Santa. Santa happily looks forward to working with you in the future...if you remain good. In which case, he will continue to provide you with toys and happiness. However, if you are deemed contemptable (i.e. naughty), Santa will kill and eat another reindeer.
Yours,
J. Huffington
Stanley, Huffington, and McKinney (LLC)
cc:fts
(Yes, I did write this...)
2 comments:
Never really thought that Santa had a Dad....but now we know that he not only has a Dad but one that kills and cooks reindeer.
That was mean. What if poor Danielle reads this blog and believes you???
For shame...
MD
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