This one caught me off guard. Tis the Season, indeed.
Weekend A La Carte (December 16)
6 hours ago
"For to me, to live is Christ—and to die is gain!" Philippians 1:21
You kindly inquire about my health. I am, through the grace of God—perfectly well. Yet, as healthy as I am—I labor under a growing disorder, for which there is no cure—I mean old age. I am glad that it is a mortal disease, from which I will not recover! I would not always want to live in such a poor world as this! I have a Scriptural hope of a glorious inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—reserved in heaven for me!
I am now in my seventy-second year, and have lived long enough. I have known something of the evils of life—and have had a large share of the good things of life. I know what the world can do—and what it cannot do. It can neither give nor take away that peace of God which passes all understanding; it cannot soothe a wounded conscience, nor enable us to meet death and eternity with comfort.
I have an abiding and abounding experience, that the Gospel is the "universal remedy" adapted to all our wants and all our woes; and a "suitable help" when every other help fails!
Your affectionate friend,
One day, Lucky was walking along when he was grabbed by the children. They tied Lucky to a chair and shot his shoulder, then asked him the location of the Charms. He refused to tell them, so they shot him again in the kneecap. They asked him again, but he still refused to tell them. The children cut off his ear. Lucky screamed, but there was no one around to hear. The children then asked him for a third time, and this time he told them.
The Charms were behind a magical waterfall.
They then killed Lucky.
One time this kid ate radioactive Raisin Bran and it ate his innards because it was taking revenge on the kid for eating him. The kid died.
No joke. Just kidding, it is. Just kidding, it's too scary and serious to be a joke. It is more like mythical folklore. Just kidding, it's not because there is no dragon. Just kidding, the kid was a dragon. Just kidding, he doesn't exist. Just kidding, he does exist in my story.
Once there was a boy named Raul. Raul loved cereal! He constantly ate cereal, he worshipped cereal, he even bathed in cereal. He prayed to the cereal gods night and day. The cereal started to consume his life. He was so enveloped by cereal he soon learned how to control cereal. He very quickly gained power. Soon he was the dictator of Mexico and ruled his people with an iron fist. He used Froot Loops to hang people.
Wheaties -- The Breakfast with Champions
Bobby Joe was a star basketball player. He was so good that Wheaties invited him to put his picture on their box. He was dropped off by his buddies and they left. After his picture was taken, they took him into a dark, dark room. They said they were going to show him how Wheaties are made.
He was never heard from again. Some say he fell down some stairs and it ended his career. Others say he moved to Guatemala for no reason. The real story? They don't make Wheaties out of wheat. Why do you think they have pictures of athletes on the cover?